Bottles (A) Won 4-1

From Phil

No one can say for certain when or why the mysterious disappearances and disorientation around the village of Eastry began to occur. There has been some speculation surrounding the effects of a strange miasma emanating from the site of the demolished cooling towers of Richborough Power Station. And others have linked these peculiar phenomena to a possible leakage from the research and development department of a nearby multinational pharmaceutical facility, which was abruptly and unaccountably closed down a few years ago. No one knows for sure; but the evidence is plain.

Firstly, the Dover Bells petanque team have twice found themselves mystifyingly trapped inside the area where they play their home matches, now known as the Eastry Triangle, completely unable to find the right route to Whitstable in order to fulfil their allotted away fixtures.

Then the Five Bells petanque team experienced a collective loss of memory on Tuesday when the entire team forgot that they were due to be playing at Stourmouth and turned up at Eastry instead, as if drawn there by some compelling force.

Finally, the Bottles petanque team have suffered from a strange seepage of personnel all season, culminating in the concession of their quarter-final match against the Dover Bells in the Hatton Cup because they could only muster a roster of three players!  Of course, this has proved most fortuitous for the Natives A team, who have drawn said Bells in the semi-final, because it will provide an ideal opportunity for a friendly and harmonious discussion surrounding the Bells' failure to achieve escape velocity, as mentioned above.    

On Tuesday evening, however, members of the Whitstable Natives A team bravely entered the Eastry Triangle in order to seek out that oasis of hospitality, the Five Bells public house, where they were due to play a league match against the aforementioned Bottles. This team were once shining examples of excellence but, having won only 6 of 17 league matches so far this season, they now seem to have lost some of their polish, doubtless due to the problem of players going missing. On this occasion, however, they were able to field a full side, including a few of their Big Guns: Alan Creegan, an ace shooter; Tom, a super shooter and Marie, a fast and low shooter. No shortage of shooters, then. But these alone will not win matches at our level: you also need pointers who can put boules next to the coche. Fortunately, the Natives have both! 

Fannies are fairly rare in any petanque match, even in the EKCPL where standards can be quite varied, so to find one in which there are THREE is unusual indeed. But this is what happened on Tuesday night. For anyone not familiar with the term, a "fanny" in petanque is a game score of 13-0. The first of these was achieved by the Natives, in one of the triples games, when Alan, Robert and Chris seemed to able to score at will against a trio that included Alan C. The other triple saw Peter, Phil and Duncan effectively neutralise the threats posed by Tom, Marie and Paul with consistently accurate pointing. In the occasional end where the opposition's heavy reliance on shooting had gained them the upper hand, Duncan was usually able to plough the field and scatter their boules with a well-placed shot of his own. The Natives won the game by 13 to 6.

The round of doubles games then commenced with the Natives needing just one win to take the match. The Bottles separated their three shooters, one into each of the partnerships, and this proved to be effective in only one case. The two Alans renewed their rivalry but in this case Alan M, playing with Chris, was stymied by Alan C and his partner, who stormed to a 13-0 win. On the other hand, Robert and Duncan produced a tactically perfect game to subdue their opposition by a counterbalancing 13-0 win of their own. This was the second fanny of the evening for Robert, which must be some kind of record. Meanwhile, Robin and Phil were engaged in a more conventional game, which was nicely balanced at 5 points apiece. However, the next end saw the Natives open up the Bottles in a major way and suddenly we were 9-5 ahead. From here the unfortunate Bottles went to pieces and the Natives held themselves together very well, until the game concluded with a 13-5 win for the away team.       

Thus the Natives emerged with a 4-1 (52-24) win, which keeps them firmly in second place in Division One, with only one or two (depending on postponements) matches still to be played. Grateful thanks are due to Clare for successfully navigating us in and out of the dreaded Eastry Triangle in her splendid little runabout car and for supporting the team during this match. In fact, as she made up the entirety of the crowd, the Natives had more support than the home team! I hope she found her cat, which went missing on Tuesday night. If not, it is possible that the Triangle has expanded to Herne Bay and we may need to call in Mulder and Scully.   

Meanwhile, The Natives B team were busy completing a vital 4-1 victory over Brown Jug D, their main rivals for promotion from Division Two. Prior to this match the records of the two teams were almost identical but this puts the brave Natives in the driving seat and they will now definitely secure that promotion if they win at Blean Gulls next week.

For the time being, however, Native thoughts will be turning to the supreme arena of Charlotte Court and Finals Day on Sept 4. Natives B have a semi-final appointment in the Plate with Brown Jug C, who will be the favourites. But this will not discomfort or distress the Natives in any way because they thrive on adversity, particularly when they are underdogs on Finals Day. Natives A, on the other hand, will probably be favourites for the Hatton Cup but I'm sure Dover Bells, who are something of an unknown quantity, will have plenty to say about that. Also, Pete West, who is an integral part of our team but has a long-standing prior commitment for that day, will be much missed. For those who have yet to visit this mecca of East Kent petanque (The Brown Jug notwithstanding!) here's a picture. On Sunday morning eight teams will be occupying this serene space, all vying vigorously for a little piece of EKCPL history. And two of them will be teams of Whitstable Natives:

                  

See you there!