Bottles (A) Won 4-1

From Phil

No one can say for certain when or why the mysterious disappearances and disorientation around the village of Eastry began to occur. There has been some speculation surrounding the effects of a strange miasma emanating from the site of the demolished cooling towers of Richborough Power Station. And others have linked these peculiar phenomena to a possible leakage from the research and development department of a nearby multinational pharmaceutical facility, which was abruptly and unaccountably closed down a few years ago. No one knows for sure; but the evidence is plain.

Natives B triumph again at the Plate final

From Rob S

Charlotte Court on finals day has proved to be a happy hunting ground for the Natives since the team was established, and this year with the A team in the Hatton Cup final and the B team in the Plate final there was considerable expectation again on Sunday

BJD Home - Hatton Cup - Won 5/0

Given that many mighty sporting successes were being achieved during the past two weeks, on the exulted playing fields of Rio, it is perhaps unsurprising that the quarter finals of the East Kent Coastal Petanque League's Hatton Cup (which is actually a shield) and Jennifer Scudder Trophy (which is actually a carnival float) were not widely reported. While headlines were screaming the feats of Jess, Jack, Jason and One Guy Named Mo there was scant space for the endeavours of the brave Natives and their attempt to qualify for Finals Day for the fourth successive year.

D1 Report - Magpies(H)

Last Tuesday evening the petanque team that goes by the name of The Magpies came to sunny Whitstable for a Division 1 league match, scratched around for a few minutes on the dusty piste and then left with very little to show for their efforts. After the Dover Bells had postponed a match against them the previous week (for the second time this season) the Natives A team were thirsting for a competitive match, albeit that the conditions were somewhat arid and their home piste was beginning to resemble an Oklahoma dust-bowl at the height of the Great Depression. In fact, "great depression" would be an apt name for the centre of the far piste, where the powder was now so deep that boules might easily become completely submerged, not to be recovered until dug up by an archaeologist a few hundred years from now.

EKCPL Doubles

Twenty four brave souls gathered in a clearing in the tropical rain-forest that surrounds Dumpton's Brown Jug public house last Sunday in order to campaign for honours in the annual EKCPL Doubles Competition. Approximately 90% of Thanet's oxygen is produced by this jungle, through the process of photosynthesis, and when this is added to the hot air that often emanates from the saloon bar, the combination makes for a rather rich atmosphere, in which many forms of exotic vegetation happily thrive. Thankfully, deforestation has not occurred here on the same scale as in Brazil; although the scuffed-up patch of ground at the rear that purports to be a petanque piste does distinctly resemble the sort of rough scouring that might be found in the heart of the Amazon basin. It consists largely of mud and bedrock, with a few patches of grass thrown in for good measure.

KL Report - Seal Blues - won 3-2

From Phil

Last Wednesday the Whitstable Natives Kent League petanque team received a visitation from the Blue Seals. At least I thought they were called the Blue Seals, so I was expecting a demonstration of natural ball skills, like those I've seen at the Aqua-Park. And, as the Whitstable piste has frequently resembled an Aqua-Park this season, it seemed likely that they would feel very much at home on its spongy surface. In the event, this assumption turned out to be only partially true, which is more than can be said for my assumption regarding their name, which was wholly inaccurate. In fact, they are called the Seal Blues because they come from a place called Seal, which is way over on the western fringes of the county and the name "Blues" distinguishes them from the other team that play at the same venue, who are called the Seal Whites. By choosing these names they attempt to be more egalitarian than they'd be if they used "A" and "B," which is something that the Natives might like to look at for next season in the EKCPL, especially if both teams are in the 1st Division.

EKCPL Singles - Northwood 17th July

From Rob S

And so I braved the tortuous trip to Northwood, ignoring on my way the varied delights of the retail opportunities of Westwood Cross, as I was so keen to renew my acquaintanceship with the vagaries of the famous pistes at this famed petanque venue on the occasion of the League singles competition.

D1 Report - Monument - Home - Won 5-0

From Phil

When all's said and done, however, charming as they were, they turned us over and sent us down the river. But the Natives are not remotely downhearted because that's not our way. As the song nearly says, "we'll meet the Monument again . . . some sunny day!"

That was written 9 weeks ago. The Natives A team had just suffered a narrow and, as it seemed at the time, needless defeat in their early season league match at the Monument. Well, that match was played in a finger-freezing Arctic gale and we may still be waiting for a sunny day to arrive but the return match was duly played on Tuesday night at the Belmont ground and, while the weather hasn't greatly improved during the intervening time, the result could hardly have been more different from that of the earlier encounter. 

D1 Report - Northwood HGB - won 3-2

From Phil

Any petanque match played on Northwood Beach is subject to a certain amount of ups and downs, not to mention skids, slides and erratic bounces. Last Tuesday's league match between the Northwood HGB team and Whitstable Natives A was no exception,

D 1 Report - Blean Herons - won 4-1

From Phil

Heavy autumnal rain was blattering Robin's silver van like rapid rifle fire as we approached the Blean Tavern last Tuesday evening for the Whitstable Natives A team's league match against the Blean Herons. The forecast was diabolical, so we were all anticipating another night of aquatic petanque. John Keats wrote about the "season of mists and mellow fruitfulness" in his Ode to Autumn.

D 1 Report - Blean Herons - won 4-1

From Phil

Heavy autumnal rain was blattering Robin's silver van like rapid rifle fire as we approached the Blean Tavern last Tuesday evening for the Whitstable Natives A team's league match against the Blean Herons. The forecast was diabolical, so we were all anticipating another night of aquatic petanque. John Keats wrote about the "season of mists and mellow fruitfulness" in his Ode to Autumn.

D 1 Report - Blean Herons - won 4-1

From Phil

Heavy autumnal rain was blattering Robin's silver van like rapid rifle fire as we approached the Blean Tavern last Tuesday evening for the Whitstable Natives A team's league match against the Blean Herons. The forecast was diabolical, so we were all anticipating another night of aquatic petanque. John Keats wrote about the "season of mists and mellow fruitfulness" in his Ode to Autumn.

D 1 Report - Blean Herons - won 4-1

From Phil

Heavy autumnal rain was blattering Robin's silver van like rapid rifle fire as we approached the Blean Tavern last Tuesday evening for the Whitstable Natives A team's league match against the Blean Herons. The forecast was diabolical, so we were all anticipating another night of aquatic petanque. John Keats wrote about the "season of mists and mellow fruitfulness" in his Ode to Autumn.

KL Report - Sidcup Reckers (Home) - Lost 1-4

From Phil

On Wednesday evening, just twenty four hours after recording a notable victory against a top-drawer team in the Coastal League the Whitstable Natives, playing with roughly the same personnel in the Kent League, were handed their first home defeat of the season. All day we had been hearing warnings issued by the Met Office of stormy weather ahead and these were to be realised for the Natives in more ways than one. 

KL Report - Sidcup Reckers (Home) - Lost 1-4

From Phil

On Wednesday evening, just twenty four hours after recording a notable victory against a top-drawer team in the Coastal League the Whitstable Natives, playing with roughly the same personnel in the Kent League, were handed their first home defeat of the season. All day we had been hearing warnings issued by the Met Office of stormy weather ahead and these were to be realised for the Natives in more ways than one. 

D1 Report - Bottles (Home) Won 4-1

From Phil

Seismic events. Cataclysmic outcome. Momentous result. Yes, it's true: on Tuesday evening the brave Natives A team went head to head with the high-flying Bottles from Eastry for the first time and beat them by 4 games to 1.

With all the stormy weather yet to come the well drilled battalion of Bottles arrived in good time for their league match against the Natives and appeared to take to the piste in a confident and jaunty manner. 

D2 Report - Brown Jug D (Away) - Won 3-2 - A DAY IN HISTORY

We may have left the EU, the financial markets may be tumbling, the pound is dropping like a stone, the leader of our fine country resigns, the Scots and the Irish now want independence breaking up this fine Union, another World war is on the cards and we all face financial ruin. 

Away from all this is the biggest story of the day that six brave Natives went to face the mighty Brown Jug and WON 3-2.

Volunteer needed - Division 2 Reports

From Rob S
We have received the sad news that the arrival of a time-consuming but delightful puppy in the Cogger household has resulted in Desi is now unable to find the time to send us her wonderful match reports which will be sadly missed bu her loyal and dedicated fanbase.

So a replacement fearless and intrepid reporter is now urgently required so if there is a brave volunteer out there who is prepared to take on this task we'd love to hear from you. Email the blog editor at rsheridan23@gmail.com or give me a ring on 07869 363833.

D1 Report - BJA - 15th June 2016 - Lost 0-5

From Phil
The brief and tardy nature of this report might easily be attributed to a spell spent in the Trauma Clinic following the Natives' latest gruelling encounter with the Brown Jug A team on their home turf, otherwise known as The Land That Time Forgot. However, five days of Royal Ascot, the European Football Championships and lawn tennis at Queens Club might also have been a minor factor in the delay. For which, many apologies.

KL Report - Toviliers H - 1st June - won 4-1

From Phil

On Tuesday evening the petanque piste at Whitstable Cricket Club had been a bit tacky but reasonably playable. By Wednesday evening, however, further heavy rain had rendered parts of it down to a sloppy and unmanageable mess. It was still possible to stage competitive games on the middle and far sections but any game played on the near piste would require the players to be holding a current British Swimming Association certificate of competence.

D1 Report - Northwood H 31st May - Won 4-1

"So Fair and Foul a Day I Have Not Seen."

Thus speaks Macbeth in the aftermath of a battle won despite some very heavy weather. In this case it was fair because the Natives tasted success in their home petanque match against Northwood but also foul because there was never a glint of sun nor a glimpse of blue throughout the whole proceedings. And, while we're on Shakespeare, the air was still "as cold as a dead man's nose." (from, rather aptly, The Winter's Tale.)

KL report - Railway Rascals - Lost 0-5 30/65

From Phil

Although the conditions were fairly benign, the Natives' outing to the Railway Inn at Sole Street on Wednesday was something of a wash-out. Lovely pub, playable piste, affable opponents; all components present and correct for a pleasant evening.

D1 Report - Brown Jug C - Lost 2-3 45/42

From Phil

On Tuesday evening another stirring scene was enacted in that great drama, The Continuing Adventures of the Brave Natives in The Land That Time Forgot.

D2 Report - Taverners (H) - 17th April - Won 4-1 60-30

From Desi

Well, blow my socks off Dear Friends - we have a Victory! 

We won 4-1. 

"Happiness, oh happiness,

the greatest gift that we possess,

we praised ourselves on our success

and drank at the bar to great excess!"

D1 Report - Northwood Magpies (A) - 17th May Won 3-2 54/38

From Phil
There was a bright golden haze on the meadow. Normally this would be considered a "good thing" but on Tuesday evening, in the early stages of the petanque match between the Magpies of Northwood and Whitstable Natives A, the "golden haze" was more like a laser, slicing viciously into the eyes of the players.

KL Report - Lordswood Moldavians (Cup) - Won 5-0

From Phil
In the 13th Century the Moldavians conquered half of Eastern Europe. On the 13th of April they came to Whitstable to see if they could do the same to the Natives. The mighty Moldavian army fought its battles on the barren wastes of Transylvania, so they should have felt quite at home on the Belmont piste. But history doesn't always repeat itself and, on this occasion, their combatants were obliged to make an honourable but hasty retreat.

KL report - Bat and Ball 1996 (Cup) - 11th May - Lost 2-3

From Phil
On Wednesday evening the Natives of Whitstable ventured west to Gravesend, nestling in the lap of the river Thames, for their Kent League Cup match against the petanque players of the Bat & Ball pub on Wrotham Road. This pub is situated adjacent to the cricket ground and, as such, Natives may well be familiar with it from their days playing with a different kind of ball:

Kent League match v Toviliers 18th May

This match is postponed, Toviliers can't get a team together. We will get to play a league match sometime soon we hope

D 2 Report - Horse and Groom - 10th May - Lost 2-3 54/60

From Desi
'DON'T CRY FOR US, DEAR SUPPORTERS' for we will rise triumphantly, eventually!

Yep, you've guessed it - we lost once again with a finishing score of 3-2.

D2 Report - Brown Jug D - 5th May - Lost 3-2 49/54

From Desi

It didn't turn out to be the best of evenings for us because WE LOST 2-3.

D2 Report - Rising Sun - 26th April - Won 3-2 56/48

On an exceptionally cold evening last night WE WON 3-2!  Well done to the men whose poor hands were frozen as the handled their boules in a desire to come out on top - which they did!

D2 Report - The Anchor - 19th April - Lost 2-3 55/47

From Desi

It was our first League game of the season and WE LOST 3-2 to a better team on the day.

KL Report - Hartley Eagles - 6th April - Lost 0-5 25/68

From Rob S
Hartley can be an unforgiving venue at the best of times and on a freezing cold night in early April it's even more difficult to appreciate the finer points of the place, especially when the gas heaters kindly put out for us were being hogged by the spectators!

KL Report - New Ash Green 1 - 20th April - Won 3-2 58/40

From Phil
The Whitstable Natives played their second Kent Petanque League match of the season on Wednesday against a lively team from New Ash Green. It was another calm and clear but bitter evening with the Whitstable piste resembling the surface the full moon that shone coldly on to it throughout the match. 

D1 Report - Blean Gulls (Cup) - 3rd May - Won 5-0 65/17

From Phil

"O, doth a bird deprived of wings

Go earth-bound wilfully."

That's Thomas Hardy in one of his more cheerful moods. On Tuesday night the wings belonged to The Blean Gulls petanque team, who flocked to the Whitstable piste to take on Natives' "A" in a first round Hatton Cup match.

D1 Report - Monument - 26th April - Lost 2-3 49/50

Twilight Robbery - From Phil

Last night the "A" team of the brave Natives were turned over by the most charming set of muggers you're ever likely to meet. This amiable assault took place on the petanque piste at the Monument, where the terrain was flat and hard and curiously dry. A shooter's paradise.

D1 Report - Blean Herons (Cup) - 12th April - Won 5-0 65/37

From Phil

At the Blean Tavern, which used to be The Hare and Hounds, the Whitstable Natives "A" team, half of which used to be the Yellabacks, were taking on The Herne Bay Herons, who used to play at the Share & Coulter, which has now closed!

The French have a saying, "Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose." (The more things change, the more they stay the same.) So the venues and the personnel may alter with the seasons but the game's the same. And the game's petanque!

D1 Report - Northwood HGB - 19th April - Won 5-0 65/31

Last season, during their titanic struggle for the EKCPL Division 2 title a keen, but friendly, rivalry developed between the Natives and the team now renamed Northwood HGB. Last night that rivalry was renewed in the first league match of the year, with a few alterations of personnel on both sides. Sam and Paul still form the backbone of their team, still combining good shots with good humour but, among others, they've added John Hatton to the team, a former stalwart of Horse & Groom "A." He comes from a family so steeped in the traditions of East Kent petanquery that they've got a Cup named after them! 

The New Reports and Comments area

Hi All

This is where we'll be moving all the match reports and other quick communications from the website; you'll still be able to navigate here from the site with one click (hopefully!)

All the match reports from Desi, Phil and the others will be on here and we'll post them here quickly when they're sent in.

You will also get an invitation to be part of the blog which will allow you to post comments and ideas.