D1 Report - Blean Gulls (Cup) - 3rd May - Won 5-0 65/17

From Phil

"O, doth a bird deprived of wings

Go earth-bound wilfully."

That's Thomas Hardy in one of his more cheerful moods. On Tuesday night the wings belonged to The Blean Gulls petanque team, who flocked to the Whitstable piste to take on Natives' "A" in a first round Hatton Cup match.

Whether or not these particular birds went to ground "wilfully" is a matter for conjecture but the fact that they did fall rather heavily and that their calamity was partly caused by people called Hardy, may not be disputed. Sadly we learned that Pete West had met with misfortune and was hors de combat for the evening, so Mr Den Hardy, a seasoned Native from the "B" team, added his skills to those of Robin and Duncan and there were three Hardies on duty for this match.

The start was delayed for ten minutes due to our Captain being unavoidably detained by his involvement in a mercy dash but at least this served to give the Gulls ample opportunity to put in plenty of pre-match practice on the Natives' tricky piste. Unfortunately for our opposition, however, this proved to be of no avail when it came to actually playing the game. But then the convoluted twists and turns, together with a surface varying from powder in some places to bedrock in others, do make the Whitstable piste rather difficult to predict. Occasionally you might call it "laughable" and on Tuesday its humour was particularly dry! 

The contest began with two games of triples. These saw Duncan, Den and Phil fending off a threesome of fearsome looking Gulls on the far piste. We introduced ourselves, shook hands with our opponents and wished them a good game, which was no more than the agreeable etiquette appropriate in the circumstances. The Gulls didn't reciprocate but this act of courtesy seemed to take the wind out of their wings and the ensuing game was played in an atmosphere of calm conviviality throughout, despite the obvious and growing frustration felt by our opponents, who frequently fell foul of the dust-bowl in the middle of the piste.  

When the score stood at 8-4 to the Natives I looked across to the near piste and saw that it was empty, except for Alan, who was walking towards to pavilion. I asked him if they were taking a half-time break, which would have been somewhat unorthodox. His succinct answer of "no" and a brief glance at the scoreboard revealed the fact that he, Robert and Robin had just knocked off a fine fanny and they'd done it faster than a stricken gull can fall to earth. This news gave us all the impetus we needed to complete our game, record a 13-4 win and send the Natives into the real half-time break with a 2-0 lead in the match.

The doubles games proved to be a mirror image of what had just taken place. Many a boule, hopefully tossed by the Gulls, raced hopelessly past its target or was stopped short by the slow-sand trap in the middle of the far piste, where Robin and Phil were able to overcome their opponents by using the simple expedient of avoiding it! We won by 13 points to 2.

With overall victory assured Duncan then decided that he had a free reign to express his creativity by attempting some speculative shots that he might not otherwise have tried. He was playing with Den on the middle piste and, with both of them demonstrating a high degree of flamboyance, they emerged with a 13-6 win. This was the highest score achieved by any of the Gulls on the night. 

On the near piste, meanwhile, it was business as usual for Alan and Robert, who were playing against probably the most capable of the Gull partnerships. The superior abilities of the Natives, however, along with their knowledge of the lightening-fast piste, meant that they were always in charge of this game. In places the terrain was glassy-smooth and it was almost impossible to throw a boule with too little impetus. In view of this, Robert adopted a very relaxed way of delivering his points so that they had just enough momentum to continue to trundle towards the coche and to keep turning over and over and over when they appeared to be on the point of expiry. This brought to mind another line from one of Thomas Hardy's upbeat poems: "It was the deadest thing alive enough to have strength to die." Of course, he wasn't referring to a petanque shot but, with sentiments like this and a singularly appropriate surname, I'm sure he'd have made an excellent addition to our team. After all, he did write a novel called "The Return of the Native!"  

However that might be, Alan and Robert recorded a 13-5 win to make the overall score 5-0 and 65-17 to the Natives. The Gulls will no doubt be disappointed to have only scored an average of 3.4 points per game but, although we may have come out on top regardless of where we'd played them, that statistic really only emphasises how effective our home advantage is. Any team coming to the Whitstable piste for the first time are likely to choke in the dust, if it's dry, or get stuck in the stodge if it's wet. It probably does need a bit more top-dressing and I believe plans are afoot to remedy this but we must make sure that, in doing so, we don't lose completely the unique character of our terrain!

Hearty thanks are due to Den for turning out at short notice and playing his games with such aplomb and to Mick Cork for coming along to support the team from the side-lines with great gusto and good humour. 

The overall Hatton Cup picture is now beginning to take shape, with the Plate already looking "stacked," as they say, with at least five First Division teams guaranteed to be in the line-up. These include Brown Jugs A & C, last year's League and Cup winners respectively. All the more incentive, therefore, for Natives "B" to win their match tonight at Brown Jug "D" and here's wishing them the very best of luck in that encounter.

Finally, the corporation of St Ives seem to have got the right idea about Gulls:

                       

"Don't Feed Them. Don't Teach Them" it says. Well, we did feed them and perhaps we taught them, too, but I don't think they'll be looking forward to the prospect of coming back to the Whitstable piste to fulfil their league fixture against Natives "B" on 28 June. It could be even more arid by then!