KL Report - New Ash Green 1 - 20th April - Won 3-2 58/40

From Phil
The Whitstable Natives played their second Kent Petanque League match of the season on Wednesday against a lively team from New Ash Green. It was another calm and clear but bitter evening with the Whitstable piste resembling the surface the full moon that shone coldly on to it throughout the match. 

After graciously giving the whole of the rest of the second Division a generous head start by losing their opening match 5-0, with a points difference of minus 37, the Natives were hoping to regain some of the lost ground by winning a few games on their highly idiosyncratic home piste. The opposition duly arrived and proceeded to warm up in a most vigorous manner, with bodies and boules flying around all over the place. Of course this may have had less to do with the joys of Spring than the need to stave off the sting in the tail of Winter and the iced East wind that still chilled the air.

Alan, the Natives' Captain, using his home-team prerogative, decided to play the triples games first. These turned out to have mixed fortunes for the Natives. On the one hand, Alan, Robert and Robin played a game of consummate excellence on the near piste, combining individual skills with team-work, for a thoroughly deserved 13-3 win. And, on the other hand, on the far piste there was a completely different game! Pete, Sarah and Phil all played accomplished shots, once or twice, but none of us was able to find the right line and length often enough to put any real pressure on our opponents. Add to this the fact that they were marginally more effective in the shooting department and the score of 13-7 to the New Ash Greenies isn't hard to account for.

However, with all still to play for, the brave Natives approached the ensuing doubles with strength in their arms and hope in their hearts - or something very like it! Anyway, Robin and Phil renewed their partnership on the far piste, where they encountered a pair of exuberant young firebrands, who demonstrated that they were familiar with all the shots in the book but without necessarily executing them all that successfully. After an early exchange of points the Natives pulled steadily away to establish a 9-5 lead. The next end saw the opposition use five boules vainly attempting to remove or better an early Native point, which had settled a few inches from the coche. With the last one they did manage to beat it but now their supply of boules was exhausted and we had 5 in hand. Robin then calmly stepped forward and, with a masterstroke, shot both the coche and the hopes of our opponents into the leylandii trees at the back of the piste for 4 points and game to the Natives. Here's a snap of Robin contemplating the effects of his game winning shot, with apologies to those who have seen this picture before. It's so good, I used it twice:

                                    

Meanwhile, Pete and Sarah were finding life more to their liking on the middle piste as they worked their way to a comfortable 13-6 win, giving the Natives an unassailable lead in the match.

Next door, on the near piste, Alan and Robert were playing the sprightly patriarch of the New Ash Green team Fred Booth who, along with his partner, son Rob, proved to be something of a handful. With fortunes swinging back and forth it was always a tight game but it looked as though the Natives might prevail when they went into a 12-10 lead. However, when the fat lady finally sang she warbled on behalf of New Ash Green, as they picked up 3 points on the next end to conclude the game and match.

Both teams then repaired to the pavilion for a quality cold buffet, which was mostly made up of porcine products but none the less delicious for that. The New Ash Green team were altogether an amiable squad of keen, but not obsessive, petanque enthusiasts of all ages, genders, shapes and sizes, and it was a pleasure to welcome them onto our wonky piste. Speaking of which, the Crazy Golf Association of Great Britain has approached us with a view to benchmarking our piste as a model for their forthcoming National Championships. But I fear it may be too outlandish for them to seriously consider using it.      

As Kent League positions are determined entirely by "games won" and not by match results, this 3-2 "win" has given the Natives enough games to raise them from the bottom of the division but they are still behind teams who may have lost both their opening matches but won 4 games in doing so. With this system in place, therefore, a team in a division of 10, as we are, who wins all 18 of their matches by 3 games to 2, for a total of 54 games, will be placed below a team who wins 11 of their matches by 5-0 and loses the other 9 by 5-0. Is this entirely fair? Answers on a postcard please. . . . . !

Finally, I am indebted to Mr Martin of Whitstable for shedding light on the origin of the name of the petanque team who call themselves the Moldavians and who featured in last week's report. Apparently, they began their long career in the Kent League as "The Moldavian Clog-Dancers" and when asked why they'd chosen this name, answered, "because we can," which I think is a very fine answer indeed!